Today we are featuring a guest author on our blog! Thanks to Chris Caudle for sharing this awesome post with us. Chris and his family attend Trinity and he is a counselor at Professional Wellness Counseling, PLLC. 


A few years ago I was preaching a revival. One of the messages was one
on forgiveness. After the service, a lady came up to me and said: "It
was a great sermon, but you don't know what 'i've been through." Which
was true. I didn't. Forgiveness is hard. Forgiveness is the core
issue of the Christian faith. Clearly, the message of the cross is that
Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross to take away the sins of the
humanity. As a counselor, one of the things that is clear to me is that
forgiveness is not only an important issue for people who are
Christians, but it is equally important for those who want to be
healthy. However, there are many ideas about forgiveness that are
simply untrue. Below are several myths about forgiveness. 

Forgiving is Forgetting

This is my favorite forgiveness myth. We have all heard it before.  
Forgiving is forgetting and if haven't forgotten, then you haven't
forgiven. This is simply untrue. And it may be true that human beings
are not capable of forgetting. It is true that Isaiah 43:25 says: "I, 
am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers
your sins no more." God is capable of not remembering but it is never
suggested that human beings are capable of this. And the Bible never
suggests a correlation between forgiving and forgetting. However, it is
possible that with a forgiving heart, difficult memories occupy a less
prominent place in our thinking. 

Forgiving Is Optional

Well, yes and no. Yes, you've been given free will and no one can take
that away. You can't be forced to do anything including to forgive. In
that way it is optional. However, on the other hand, forgiveness is
expected for the Christian. In Matthew 6:15 Jesus plainly said: "if you
do not forgive others, God will not forgive you." Again in Matthew 18, 
Jesus tells the parable of the ungrateful servant. At the conclusion of
the parable, the servant is punished. Jesus then offers these words of
commentary "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless
you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” We can conclude
from these passages that Jesus expects Christians to forgive others. 

Forgiving Means Being a Doormat

There are many people who feel this way. They have been hurt and feel
dumped on. In their mind, forgiving others means giving abusive, 
unpleasant people an opportunity to dump on them again. This is not at
all the message of the Bible about forgiveness. There is a difference
between forgiving others who hurt you and continuing to trust them. It
is a healthy thing to have boundaries. Proverbs 25:17 says "Let your
foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he has his fill of you and
hates you." Proverbs 22:24 says "Make no friendship with a man given to
anger, nor go with a wrathful man." These passages suggest having
healthy boundaries. We can forgive others while at the same time having
healthy boundaries. You can forgive and not be a doormat. 

Forgiving is Selfless

It does seem that forgiveness is selfless on the surface. However, I
suggest that real reason you should forgive is a selfish one.  
Forgiving restores relationships. But the reason you should forgive is
for what it does for you. When you forgive, it self-circuits
bitterness. Ephesians 4:31-32 says: "Let all bitterness and wrath and
anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all
malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as
God in Christ forgave you." In this passage, there is a contrast
between bitterness and forgiveness. The best reason to forgive is the
impact it has on you. Forgiveness is good for the person who does the
forgiving. So forgive, But do it because of what it does for you a
follower of Jesus. 

Forgiveness is a core issue of the Christian faith. It is important not
only for us to be forgiven by God, but that we forgive others as well.  
Satan has used many strategies that are designed to minimize the
importance of forgiveness. So, cultivating a forgiving heart as you
live the Christian life. 


For more information about Professional Wellness Counseling you can click here or give Chris a call at 336-584-0050.